no gnus is good gnus

very punny!

Thursday, March 2

Mental Institution

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car.
The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?"
Charlie replies, "Driving to Chicago!"
The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well, Charlie, how are you doing?"
Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago."
"Great," replies the nurse.
The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating.
Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?"
Bob says, "Im screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"

Thursday, October 13

Happiness in Loneliness

Just like that, I'm alone. I wish I weren't but I'm glad I am. Fuck you. Fuck this. Fuck that. So much anger it's no wonder I'm lonely. I need someone to take it out on.

estoy llorando

My heart is completely null and void.

The emptiness sickens me.

I'm destined to be alone.

Yet I hunger for companionship.

God has a twisted sense of humor.

Thursday, September 1

melon colly

I've been so melancholy lately. It's like ever since uncle Jeff died, my whole world has been turned upsidedown. I'm a wreck. I'm overreacting to everthing. Driving Sean and my dad crazy. I don't feel like myself anymore. I need someone to smack me back into the swing of things. I feel like I'm on the verge of tears every minute. I can't deal with anything remotely mean or illwilled without bursting into tears or yelling my frickin head off at whomever gets in my way. I want everything to go back to normal but I fear it's never gonna be right again. Ruining my relationship with Sean. I'm gonna lose him if I keep this shit up. He's put up with so much so far but he's coming to the point where he feels like he wants to hit me. Maybe that's what I need. But by then, it'd be too late for me and him. He'd be gone before I could get up and compose myself. I don't want to lose him, but I "keep focusing on the problem and not the solution." I don't know what to do to get me outta this funk. I guess me and Sean were never meant to be if he can't deal with my depression. I told him, "It can't be all fun and games." and he said "why not?" and i told him "shit happens." I guess he's looking for someone he'll never have to have a bad time with. Which is pretty impossible. Everyone has their moments, especially us girls.

But back to me. I don't know weither I should leave him and revert back to friends with him or just cut him off completely. I don't want to think that staying with him is not an option. I can't stand not to be with him, but lately I can't stand to be with him. I know that if we broke up I'd be fine, but it'd kill me to see him with someone else. I need to find someone hotter than him, someone who cares about me more than him, someone funnier than him... which is pretty impossible. Why did I even get involved with him? I know I can't do better than him. Fuck. I've fucked myself into a corner. DP was a solution once. He was enough to pry me away from Sean. But now that I'm out of school, I have no real good way to meet guys.

Any suggestions? Any friendly shoulders to cry on would be greatly appreciated.

Thursday, August 25

nothing is certain...

Let's just start by saying that when I die, I don't want to regret anything.

I'm pretty positive that my uncle Jeff regretted not divorcing Kathy. Now his poor kids have to live with her. Two boys (11 and 13)

Her side of the family, every single person from what I hear, hated Jeff. Those people showed up at her wedding all in bright blues; as if they all got together and planned it. Fuck them. They even trash talked him infront of the boys. Double fuck them. They even had the nerve to come to his funeral and trash talk him. Double fuck them in the ass with a (something painful).

I wish I wasn't so pissed off. I loved uncle Jeff so very, very much. Just thinking about him makes me want to kill her and every person in her family.

He was so young, he was going to be 41 on Sept. 1st.

So, here's the story. He was on his way home from work (around 10pm) on his Buell (he wanted to save money on gas) and as he was getting off the exit, he hit some debris and spun his bike. What I learned later from grandma Lorraine is that his helmet flew off and was run over by a car.

The reason why all this is so strange is because he wasn't a rookie motorcycle rider, he's a veteran. I would have never in a million years thought that that would be the way he went. It just didn't click.

So, let's recall how Lisa broke the news to me. I was at work on Fri. Aug. 19th and just minding my business when I get a call at work and it's Lisa and she says, "Uncle Jeff was in a bad motorcycle accident last night. He didn't make it." So I go "WHAT?!" and just start bawling. I tell her I have to call her back and hang up and I'm crying hysterically while dialing Bernadette's extension and all I get out when she picks up is "HELP ME BERNADETTE!" between sobs. And before Bernadette could get there, my boss comes to swoop me up into her arms and take me back to her office so I can shut the door and just cry on her shoulder. Then my aunt Pam comes in her office to help comfort me and my boss decides that I need to go home right away. So my aunt drives my car with my boss following her and they drop me off at Lisa's house per my request.

Now tell me that that isn't the most wonderful outcome to that situation. My coworkers are like my family in the way that they are more concerned about my well being than my working. My boss even went out of her way to drive me home. I couldn't have asked for more.

I really don't want to get into all the details of the events of the following day, but let's just say, I'm still not the same. I'm so melancholy it hurts. Anytime I even think about uncle jeff I twinge a little in sadness. Not so much anymore, I've learned to control it. I even cried several times just typing those last couple paragraphs. I didn't realize how much uncle Jeff meant to me. Either that or it's just the first "real" death I've experienced in my life. And by real I mean someone close who I cared about deeply.

I don't know what else to say. I just can't believe he's never coming back. I just can't believe he's gone. I just can't believe it.

I know I wasn't that close to him, but when I did see him, he always knew how to have a good time and he always made sure everyone was happy.

And through it all, Sean was there to comfort me. I tried to be strong for Lisa, but it turned out that she was the one who was comforting me. The only people I think cried more than me was grandma Lorraine and grandpa Lloyd, Jeff's mom and dad.

There were so many things yet for Jeff to do. I wanted to buy a gun from him someday, I wanted to learn how to shoot from him someday, but someday wasn't soon enough. He left without saying goodbye. I knew he loved me though, loved me like a niece, and I know he knew that I loved him too.

He was just such a great guy all around. He worked at UPS for 18 years and ended up becoming a shop steward. A couple of his friends from work came to his funeral and told everyone of how he cared so much for his coworkers he would put his job on the line to stand up for what was right. The world is now a sadder place because he is gone.

Now an hour and millions of tears later; I hope you all have learned what a great guy my uncle Jeff was and why I miss him so much.

Tuesday, August 23

shit on top of shit run over twice

So, I've got so much to say and so little time to type it... so here's the jist for now till I get time in the near future to revise:

  • Boss took away my internet privledges at work
  • Uncle died (he was so young) (long blog alert)
  • Have to wake up at 4 am tomorrow
Hope this makes everyone realize how lucky they are that they aren't me this week.

Thursday, August 18

girls

Why do I hate girls so much? Is it because I secretly hate being a girl myself? But why would I hate being a girl? I guess it's because of those girls that ruin the reputation for being a girl. Those moody, two-faced, drama filled girls are ruining it for me. I have only ever liked 2 or 3 girls (for longer than 5 months) I've ever met. I hate girls. Girls backstab other girls more frequently than guys to other guys... Why is that? I hate girls. Hella fake just to keep the peace... but what would be better would be to sit down and discuss shit. Stop talkin about shit that happened months, even years ago. Get over it or get it off your chest by confronting the situation. It does nobody any good for you to keep talking about it under your breath. It just pisses you off cuz it's not gettin resolved and it's pissin me off cuz I hear from people that you're talkin shit about me again. Fuckin pussy. Say it to my face. Give me just one excuse to yell at you. But I just don't wanna stir shit up again. Fuck. What do I do? I hate girls. They are just so fucking annoying.

Wednesday, August 10

Household Remedies

  • Flies or bees bothering you? Spray them with hairspray and they will take a quick dive.

  • Sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours, then slide a knife under the flap. The envelope can then be resealed.

  • Use Empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords. It keeps them neat and you can write on the roll what appliance it belongs to.

  • For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: get warm water and put Dawn dishwashing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps. They won't refreeze.

  • Crayon marks on walls. A damp rag, dipped in baking soda. Comes of with little effort.

  • Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops. Use rubbing alcohol on paper towel.

  • Cut S.O.S. cleaning pads in halves or quarters with a pair of scissors. You will waste less dirty, smelly, rusty pads. This also keeps scissors sharp.

  • Blood stains on clothes. Pour a little peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood.
    (see Human Blood)

  • Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean. Don't wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.

  • Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any room to create a lovely light scent in each room when the light is turned on. Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen.

  • Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning.

  • To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new.

  • To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stovetop.

  • Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.

  • When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

  • Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

  • When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness.

  • Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

  • Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
    (see Ordering Wine)

  • To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area and you will experience instant relief.

  • Ants, ants, ants everywhere. They are said to never cross a chalk line. So get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march.

  • Use air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and leaves a lovely smell to the shine.

  • When you get a splinter, reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.

  • Uses for Alka Seltzer:
    • Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous China.
    • Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.
    • Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
    • Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
    • Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water.

Monday, August 8

Can you spell that?

So, as you probably may know, I am a receptionist for a living. So, today I get a call from this lady (probably a soliciter) and she doesn't know how to spell anything I say... I mean I can understand when she can't spell the company name or the street name, cuz no one does... but when she asked what my company does, I said "We manufacture transit busses" and she said "Can you spell that" and I said, "You don't know how to spell 'manufactures transit busses'?"... so as I'm spelling it, she can't keep up and keeps telling me to repeat it several times... so at the end of the call she says, "thank you verrrrry much" and I said (with an attitude) "Whatever" and hang up. 30 seconds later she calls back, "Who is this?" and I say, "Why?" and she says, "... Let me talk to you manager" so I transfer her to a phone that will just ring and ring and ring... so 2 minutes later I get her again and she says, "Who is this?" like I'm not going to figure out it's her again and just incriminate myself. So, I says to her I says, "What is this about?" and she replies, "You made fun of me, I want to talk to your manager" so again, I transfer her out to the middle of no where. So, when she calls back the third time she says "Who is this?" again like I'm dumb and going to fall for it this time. So I says to her,"Who is this?" and she says, "I'm calling from your other office in Sacramento and you made fun of me so I want to talk to your manager." And I know damn well that we don't have another office in Sacramento so I says to her, "I didn't know we had another office in Sacramento. What's your name?" and she says "Let me talk to your manager." She doesn't learn, so I transfer her out to the middle of no where... haven't heard from her since. What a dumb bitch.

Holy Christmas!!

Well i've been afk for quite some time now... there's been a ton of schtuff to catch up on... let's do some highlights:

  • june 11 - graduated from CSUH w/ bachelor's degree
  • june 18 - mom's b-day/bbq
  • july 2 - my grad party/bbq (i raked in $450!)
  • july 16 - my company picnic at great america (only went for the free food)
  • july 22 - flew down to anaheim to go to Disneyland (fuckin awesome!)
  • july 23 - went to disneyland
  • july 24 - went to california adventure park
  • july 30 - took the CHP written test (hope i passed)
  • july 30 - my dad's aunt julia finally died (she had pancreatic cancer)
  • aug 4 - aunt julia's wake
  • aug 5 - aunt julia's funeral

so, those are the highlights since we last spoke. any questions... you know how to reach me.

Piece out homies!